good morning

I am so glad that today isn't as gray and rainy as they said it would be. I was pretty down last night and not looking forward to a weekend of shitty weather. I had gotten excited about a potential horticultural opportunity a few weeks back and was waiting to hear some news. Wednesday was two weeks, and by the end of the day there was no reply to my second email. I said, "I'll give him to Friday". Sure enough Friday came and the workday went and nothing in the inbox. I had planned to call John and see if he wanted to join us for dinner. I had meant to call Rory out east and catch up since we've been playing phone tag. I didn't really feel like answering the phone when Dad called me back. No longer was I in the mood to have a social evening. Knowing food still had to happen we opted to go to JJ's for sushi and as always had an amazing meal. The night was misty and cool and we walked rather silently through the neighborhood, holding hands and surveying the scene. Dad's voicemail said, "You'll never know, you might just hear later than you had expected. And if not, then maybe it just wasn't meant to be." My brother Tim saw my post about the magazine and wrote a sweet note saying, "everything you do you do well". I wish I had felt that same way. To sound perfectly spoiled, I can't remember the last time I wanted something so bad and didn't get it. I do work hard and put all that I have into what I do. My grandfather on my father's side was a great man named Edward, a doctor who worked hard and supplied his family with a world rich with knowledge and love. My middle name is Edward after my grandfather and I write that initial with pride. Dad reminded me what grandpa would say in a moment like this. "Que sera sera". Whatever will be will be. I welled up, missing my sweet grandfather in his mammoth Cadillac and chapeau, tipping his hat every time we passed a church or beautiful woman.

So, like I said, I was very happy when I woke today and it was sunny and bright. I looked outside at the pot of bulbs I planted last fall and got excited to see the first double daffodil bud beginning to unfurl. I tried to sleep in, but that wasn't happening. I made coffee and put on Judee Sill in the living room. If you do not know the music of Judee Sill and you appreciate the most beautiful folk music there is then it is simple, you need to go buy yourself her first album. An American singer and songwriter, her first album came out in 1971 and it is one of the best albums to wake and have a lazy morning to. The album has now finished and the coffee cup is dry. I guess I have moped enough. There's a day off ahead, and I am going to enjoy it, damnit!

Isn't it funny how journal entries, or, umm, blog entries, often tend towards the extremes of total bliss or utter sadness? I guess it's just who we are as passionate people.

On the stereo: Judee Sill, her debut album on Asylum, 1971